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 :: 1902-1971, American Humorous Poet

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A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
~ Ogden Nash - [Dogs]

 

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A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.
~ Ogden Nash - [Husbands]

 

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And one of his partners asked ''Has he vertigo?'' and the other glanced out and down and said ''Oh no, only about ten feet more.''
~ Ogden Nash - [Suicide]

 

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Candy, is dandy, but Liquor, is quicker.
~ Ogden Nash - [Alcohol and Alcoholism]

 

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Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.
~ Ogden Nash - [Children]

 

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Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?
~ Ogden Nash - [New Year]

 

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Good wine needs no bush, and perhaps products that people really want need no hard-sell or soft-sell TV push. Why not? Look at pot.
~ Ogden Nash - [Advertising]

 

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Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures -- take them, George, they're yours!
~ Ogden Nash - [Office]

 

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How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!
~ Ogden Nash - [Obesity]

 

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I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.
~ Ogden Nash - [News]

 

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I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.
~ Ogden Nash - [Riches]

 

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I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.
~ Ogden Nash - [Conscience]

 

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If you are really Master of your Fate, it shouldn't make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or the Bearded Lady is your mate.
~ Ogden Nash - [Wives]

 

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If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
~ Ogden Nash - [Work]

 

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Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes, the wind will presently disappear, the taxes last us all the year.
~ Ogden Nash - [Seasons]

 

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Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
~ Ogden Nash - [Life and Living]

 

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Man is a victim of dope in the incurable form of hope.
~ Ogden Nash - [Hope]

 

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Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.
~ Ogden Nash - [Marriage]

 

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Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
~ Ogden Nash - [Age and Aging]

 

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No matter how deep and dark your pit, how dank your shroud, their heads are heroically unbloody and unbowed.
~ Ogden Nash - [Grief]

 

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