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 :: 1895-1977, American Comic Actor

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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
~ Groucho Marx - [Age and Aging]

 

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Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.
~ Groucho Marx - [Birth]

 

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Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
~ Groucho Marx - [Death and Dying]

 

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From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
~ Groucho Marx - [Books and Reading]

 

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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
~ Groucho Marx - [Age and Aging]

 

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I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.
~ Groucho Marx - [Cooking]

 

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I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me.
~ Groucho Marx - [People]

 

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I find television very educational. Every time someone switches it on I go into another room and read a good book.
~ Groucho Marx - [Television]

 

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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
~ Groucho Marx - [Faces]

 

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
~ Groucho Marx - [Weddings]

 

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I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
~ Groucho Marx - [Association]

 

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I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
~ Groucho Marx - [Poverty and The Poor]

 

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I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
~ Groucho Marx - [Choice]

 

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If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
~ Groucho Marx - [Jokes and Jokers]

 

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Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
~ Groucho Marx - [Poverty and The Poor]

 

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My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
~ Groucho Marx - [Children]

 

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No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
~ Groucho Marx - [Time and Time Management]

 

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One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
~ Groucho Marx - [Marriage]

 

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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
~ Groucho Marx - [Leaders and Leadership]

 

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Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
~ Groucho Marx - [Politicians and Politics]

 

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